How to make friends abroad? (and feel like you belong)

Navigating loneliness, vulnerability, and connection in a new country.

Are you feeling hopeless about ever building meaningful, lasting friendships in your new country? Do people leave right when you start to feel safe with them—to go back home, chase jobs, finish their degrees? Are you left wondering if you’re doing something wrong, or if you’ll always feel alone?

This is such a common experience for expats and internationals. In a city where people come and go, where priorities shift, it can be incredibly hard to feel rooted. And even when you do have friends, you might notice you don’t feel close like you do with your friends back home. Not in that cozy, comfortable, “you just get me” way. It might leave you feeling disconnected, even when you’re around them.

Let’s walk through this together, gently. Here are some compassionate reminders, and some things you can do to make this chapter of your life feel less lonely.

1. You’re not failing. You’re building

It’s normal to feel like this is harder than you thought it would be. You’re not just looking for friends — you’re creating an entire support system from zero. That’s huge.

Relatable example: You might have spent two hours at a language exchange or an event, only to come home feeling like you didn’t really connect with anyone. That can be so disheartening. But you’re showing up. That matters.

Try this: Take a breath. Journal what worked and what didn’t. Celebrate the fact that you showed up at all. That’s a win.

2. It’s not your fault

Making friends as an adult is hard. There are real obstacles — cultural differences, language barriers, time constraints, even your own social anxiety. This isn’t just about personality. It’s about circumstances.

Relatable example: Maybe you tried to make plans with someone and they cancelled last minute—again. It stings. You might wonder, “Am I too needy? Too much?” You’re not. You’re just trying to feel less alone.

Try this: Replace “What’s wrong with me?” with “What are the conditions I’m working with?” You’re not broken. You’re human.

3. Be gentle with yourself.

Self-talk matters. A lot. The way you speak to yourself shapes how resilient you feel.

Try this in the mirror: “You are brave for being here. You are trying your best. I see your efforts (name them). I’m proud of you. You will find the right people.”

Bonus tip: Stick a note with these words on your bathroom mirror.

4. Your friendships back home didn’t happen overnight.

They were built over hundreds of shared hours — in school hallways, on late-night calls, singing together on road trips, or crying after breakups. It was slow and layered.

Relatable example: Maybe your best friend used to annoy you when you first met. Or maybe you sat next to each other in class every day before you ever had a real conversation.

Try this: Make a goal to meet someone 3-4 times before you decide whether the connection is there. Chemistry sometimes takes time.

5. Look where your values live.

Random meetups are fine, but spaces that align with your interests will bring more authentic potential connections. Look for places where you’d actually enjoy spending time, even if you didn’t meet anyone.

Try this: Sign up for an art class. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Join a hiking group or a mindfulness workshop.

Tip: Notice how people make you feel energetically. Warm? Curious? Inspired?

6. Fear shows up—but it doesn’t get to drive

You might be afraid: “What if they don’t like me? What if I’m boring? What if I get rejected?” But what if it goes well?

Your brain is wired to notice what you focus on. Focus on rejection, and you’ll find signs of it everywhere. Focus on warmth, and your brain will spot it too.

Try this: When you walk into a room, shift your focus from “Do they like me?” to “Do I feel good around them?”

Bonus exercise: Before an event, visualize yourself smiling, listening, and feeling at ease. Tell your brain what to look for.

7. Connect with presence, not performance.

Friendship doesn’t grow from being impressive. It grows from being real. Eye contact. Listening. Asking curious questions. Sharing something vulnerable.

Relatable example: Think of a time when someone opened up to you and you instantly felt closer to them. That’s the power of vulnerability.

Try this: Ask someone what they miss about home.

8. Vulnerability invites depth.

Vulnerability doesn’t mean oversharing. It means being real. Letting yourself say, “Actually, it’s been a tough week,” or “I’m still figuring things out here.”

When you allow others to really see you — not your curated, “together” self — you give them permission to do the same. When we try too hard to be impressive, we often come across as distant. People connect with honesty, not perfection.

Relatable example: Think of a time when someone opened up to you and you instantly felt closer to them. That’s the power of vulnerability.

Try this: Share one small truth next time you talk to someone new. For example: “Honestly, I find it really hard to meet people here.” You’d be surprised how many will say, “Me too.”

9. Ask deeper questions.

If you met your best friend again for the first time, what would you ask? Go beyond the usual small talk.

Try this: “What’s something about you most people don’t know?” or “What’s a place that feels like home to you?”

10. Accept yourself, as you are.

You don’t need to be more confident, more successful, or more extroverted to deserve connection. You just need to show up as you are.

Try this: Say to yourself: “I don’t have to be perfect to be lovable. I can be working on myself and still be worthy of love and friendship.”

11. When is it time to seek therapy?
If you feel like something’s holding you back — low self-esteem, self-criticism, social anxiety, body image, difficulty trusting others — therapy can help. Sometimes what seems like a “friendship issue” is actually something deeper—like needing to feel safe enough to show up as yourself.

Therapy can support you in:

-learning to feel safe in connection again

-building self-compassion

-understanding your patterns

-healing past relational wounds

It’s not about “fixing” you. It’s about uncovering what gets in the way of you showing up as your full self.
You deserve to feel like you belong, wherever you are.